My Toastmasters International journey that I started in 2019 has come to this. We’ve come a long way baby, and that is to my two girls and my toastmasters family. And I shared with you the writeup I did to celebrate just that in honoring the international Women’s Month in March.
I made a pact last year not to celebrate, not to gush about it, not to even mention the date prior to it. My birthday that is. then I realize; I can do it until just past midnight or at least till the sun rise to do just about that. It is because from then until morning is the hardest, saddest part to reminisce, think about it and relive the blackest moment of my life two years ago. But come sun rise, I am elevated, pumped up and smiling about the day from ear to ear. Actually it is best to start the day after waking up to the new day since it means, God gave me another day to live.
I cherished every wishes poured on me today from closest friends, meaning I still have good companies. A thoughtful and kind words from families whose blood still thicker than water. And from my lovely daughters who too young to understand and still the best reason to stay alive day by day. And to all the other significant people in my life, thank you for liking me, accepting me and continue to be that someone or somebody who once crossed my path.
Last but not least, lets raise that coffee cup and celebrate! How do you celebrate though? at the age that we are in now (whoever relevant)
Here is a throwback of my favorite poem (which I once posted in my old blog) from the poet who happened to also born on the 14th of October. E.E. Cumming
[I carry your heart with me(i carry it in) by E. E. CUMMINGS
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
I got this book on the 27th of September. I was enthusiastic about reading it since the day we ordered it from Dr Thillai (one of the writer and my lecturer). Unfortunately, up until now, I only got to page 23. Not that I hate the book, my eyes just refuse to cooperate with me. How do you guys readers do it? How do you read them fast, concentrate and absorb every words and eventually kept it stuck to your brain? I really needed tips on this. I had to crank up my mind, body and soul to move on. Otherwise I will be lost and demotivated and we do not want that, not when I promise to commit to this.
What do I get so far? I am still at the introduction of most important parts.
And I quote David Lim,
Periods into which Malaysian economic development has been divided are:
- The period of the classical export economy, pre-1957
- The period of modernization and diversification, 1957-69
- The period of state-led development, 1970-86
- The period of trade liberalization and finacial crisi in Asia , 1987-99
- The period of human capital development, 2000 onward.
And the period of state-led development seems interesting to follow with regards to Malaysian economic crisis impacts in the 80s? Although 80s is the decade which I don’t want to remember much, economically it is worth exploring to know how it impacted today’s stand eh? perhaps. I am still undecided. Any suggestions?
As you all know by now, I am now in the midst of pursuing Master of Economics in one of a reputable university here in Malaysia. Thanks to my employer for believing in me while awarding me with the scholarship. No pressure there, but I have to excel now to show my gratification further. Things start off fine until the day I had to register the subjects. In the end I chose three to kick start my brain after 12 years of full time study.
One of the hardest subject I have to endure this semester is Applied Econometrics. How on earth I am going to apply this when I have zero basic on the Econometrics itself? Dr Lau although looked scary is actually accommodating. Hence I did not drop the course and keep attending them until its fourth class to date. The book used? will cost me Rm 880 if I want to purchase it. So, please… I beg you those economy students out there, do you have a book to sell? please let me know. I will appreciate it so much. I just need it immediately!
On revision:
If test > Zc = reject H0
Next week : Quiz!
I did it again! Over thinking and almost got myself into trouble.
Attending classes for Master program supposed to be fun for me, my class mates even told me I am full of passion and to just keep having it to excel in the foreign academic challenges I am endeavoring now. But; to incorporate that with all the things that happened in my life right now turned out to be a huge burden to bear for me. Then again, my problems was the least to whine about compared to others around me. I just need to start to prioritize and like my friend said, find what makes me happy and stick to it! be firm, be strong and stand your ground. My assignments are due soon and that is the one I need to focus! I need guidance, for an Economic baby like me, what I should write about?
I can really use some pointers right now 😉
About the close call, I almost bump into another car on the way home yesterday. Another emergency brake to the max and Thank God no contact at all. People are driving crazier and crazier everyday. I really need to focus at task at hand all the time and let God do the rest.
Insya Allah…
I swear this is how I imagine the situation I am in last night! It was raining and I was being careful until the cars in front of me stopped and all I saw was lots of red light and I was going quite fast. With rain and all, I push the pedal to the max with all my might and let God take over. My car swerve towards the right and very close to the divider when the car stopped and I swore I heard the loudest screeching sound I ever heard and pray the car behind me saw that and did NOT hit me. My car stopped and the engine still running, Thank GOD!
What happened next? I was shaking like crazy but I continue driving as the first thing I want to do at the moment, is to go home and hug my kids so tight and kisses them like it was the last kiss I could have given them. What a journey last night was.
Actually I thank God for everything, for my instinct, for my attitude when facing a very panicking situation etc. Earlier, due to my instinct based on the situation I am in; with all the lessons I am yet to studies, homework to be done etc etc I chose not to bring Adelia to the father (from now on will refer to the biological father to my children), besides she was sleeping, didn’t have the heart to wake her up. And I glad I made that decision otherwise I got more things to worry during the situation last night.
Tell me, what will you do when you are in the same unfortunate event?
It has been two weeks since my Master Program started. How do I do so far? struggling VERY hard! What was I thinking when I apply that scholarship? My passion towards it now bites! But I guess I should be grateful for the opportunity and just shake it off, try harder! What am I trying to do now between taking care of the bubs during the day and classes at night is to squeeze studying and homework whenever I can. Less TV, less eat, less wandering, do more! work hard and pray harder! 🙂
What did I grasp so far in the programs, every subject is ‘Advanced or Applied’ therefore need to study the basic myself (which is already overdue). Try to absorb as much as and focus! focus! focus! Any former Economy students out there want to share tips to excel. Owh by the way, any of you have Eviews software that I can share? 😉
Talking about homework, I also behind on lots of stuff with Clever Cookie School of Blog by Chantelle and Rowe, I must struggle harder. Am I biting more than I can chew with all these programs I am enrolling at the same time? I hope I am doing fine so far.
Please motivate me with your wisdom and experience.
It has been exactly one year since the separation. It hasn’t finalized yet but I felt that it is done. And since then, a lot has happened, I mean a whole lot of adventures I never thought possible, we will come to that later. But what price do I have to pay? A strength to be apart from my lovely girl number 1, Adelia, 2 year old, who have given me the ultimate gift of being bold and strong as a woman. And that is exactly what I want to give her in return.
So, the father asked (finally) me to bring her to his hometown to visit her grandparents, since I have been grumpy all these while when he did that without telling me before and just took her away during the weekly visit, halfheartedly I gave in. The letting go is the hardest part, the saddest part is that I hardly spent the weekend with her when I was working throughout the week and now I have classes at night, I definitely looking forward for weekend and it did not happening according to my plan. I tried to negotiate a visiting pattern that could benefit everyone and the most important part is to make sure her welfare is well taken care of in the first place. But when the battle isn’t over, the fight is unavoidably brutal and painful, ache my heart and my mind, especially when it involves legal matters.
*sigh* This is where the strength from Adelia helped me see things clearer, take a deep breath and please others although my heart hurt because I got the bigger part; the custody. And the girl number 2, Dalila who is still 8 months old is at home with me, so I got another one to cuddle. I know God will always look after her when I wasn’t there to care for her. I may not be a Perfect mother to some, but I sure hope Adelia knew I did my best and loved her to death! Another weekend not spent together, but I am always hopeful there will be one weekend we enjoy through it out like crazy, I promise! So, how do you guys with the same experience deal with this?
I guess I have to finished that blogging thingy and study! now.
Not a self proclaimed attempt to appear stand-offish, rather a new self confidence building after attended one very interesting event today:
Women in Leadership Conference 2009 organized by Gorgeous Geeks held at The Legend Hotel Kuala Lumpur.
I went alone. Not knowing one particular Pengurus were actually interested. Well, I got used to do all that alone eversince my attempt to invite few colleagues to attend events failed simply because (in my opinion) either they just weren’t interested or they just failed to see beyond the application and assuming everything will be denied. And I am so glad I did. As always, I am again inspired by the success stories especially with women. To see Yasmin Mahmood in person and other household names that equally talented and poised, made me left the event in awe, and determined to make something out of my life. Managed to networking and gained new friends, so its all in all are good.
A little bummed though, that I did not get the Goodie bags and Lucky Draw prizes. It’s due to that late registration! dang! If only I have registered and paid myself early on (which I ended up paying first anyways). *sigh*
I just wish I will sustained this dream this time. Hello again technology, hello again world, here I come.
p/s: It still tough though stepping onto that gold pavement road of theirs…
IT is definitely an unpredictable world to be living in, I learned it the hard way in the past two years, it’s easier when you are involved from the very beginning, from the design, URS, Testing and Deployment. But when you were suddenly dragged in a handover session with another team filling in all the initial stages, it is brutal! You were expected to learn the whole book of architecture in one hour, go through the SOP in another hour and deploy it withing the next 24 hours. This is including all the other ad-hoc stuffs that supposedly were part of your job description as the major factor contributing to your ever infamous KPI. So, where do we go from there? Take a deep breath, cry from the inside, and go through every lines carefully as mistakes are not expected within the timeframe.
And so I did. Yet, changes after changes only added to more challenges in hand, stress becomes another routine to bear with every single day. After kept it so long inside, it managed to build a lump in the scariest place. Thank God I overcome that. And life goes on. Just as when team were trying to gets the hang with everything at hand, another challenge be put upon your shoulder. There are issues of compromises. A defects or errors that were injected from unknown sources. And how to deal? Enforce the ITIL implementation. Put into action all those ISO stuff. Every course of actions have to be initiated formally in writings, justify it, and get approved. By saying this and I mean, if it urgent, you go on and chase those people that were supposed to endorse it. I can do it, so why are there are certain people who still able to find an excuse to not have this carried out just because you can’t find an authority at their “usual place”. You know what i think? I think that’s just plain lazy. If it happened to me one or two times, I certainly have changed. Because in order for the world to revolve around you, you have to give in before you taking it all back in.
Following that, what’s left for that perfect implementation is with additional help of a very simple but impressive checklist, and by checklist I mean, another manual or SOP in addition to the approved SOP that have followed the ISO std. I am saying this based on us being only human; mistakes made, troubleshooting process with trials and errors and some unobvious config usually overlooked. It is time for us, I mean for me to take my job seriously I guess, be from good to great because with that determination, then only come passions, and with that; success will follow very closely.
Misery Loves Company... 